Songs of Love to Samantha

History happened today.  DOMA was ruled unconstitutional and Prop 8 was repealed.  Samantha and I can now have the gayelle wedding we always dreamed of.

I accomplished the goal of posting a love song to Samantha each day before she left to Israel for good.  Below were my picks and reasons why these hold dear to our (MY) hearts.  I'd like to think of it as a Facebook mixed CD.

It started on the second day, as these goals were all established the third day of this gloomy month and ended on the 18th when that bitch got on a plane and left me.

June 2nd: Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
What could possibly be cheesier and more awkward then this song.  It gives you feelings of creepiness with a tingling sensation on the inside of your no no area...

June 3rd: Inside Your Heaven - Carrie Underwood
We used to be obsessed with AI...well just season 1 anyways.  I think we pretty must stopped watching after Kelly Clarkson won, but this is probably my favorite AI song that was written for a winner and hopefully my future wedding song as well one day.  

June 4th: It Must Have Been Love - Roxette
I just really happen to love "Pretty Woman".  Deep down in all of us, there's a Vivian Ward.

June 5th: Take My Breathe Away - Berlin
C'mon, this was before Tommy Cruise went all crazy on Oprah's couch and before Kelly McGillis became a lesbian!

June 6th: Maybe I'm Amazed - Gem
Sam and I used to (still) love the OC.  We even are naming our first born Seth Ryan.  It's only natural that this song would be on there with the dialogue of Ryan and Marissa when he has to leave to move back to Chino because he knocked up his Mexican ex-girlfriend.

June 7th: Put it On Me (Remix) - Ja Rule ft. Lil' Mo and Vita
What ever happened to Murder Inc.?

June 8th: Fantasy (ODB Remix) - Mariah Carey ft. Old Dirty Bastard
Possibly the best MC song ever...or maybe even just the best song ever.

June 9th: I'll Make Love to You - Boyz II Men
Quite possibly the best baby making song ever...with the exception of every other D'Angelo song. 

June 10th: Bonnie & Clyde - Beyonce ft. Jay-Z
Sam's my ride or die bitch.

June 11th: I Can't Help Myself - The Four Tops
Classic

June 12th: Crazy In Love - Beyonce ft. Jay-Z
I will always have memories of the Summer of 2003 and when I realized Destiny's Child will not be around that much longer.

June 13th: To Be With You - Mr. Big
Love the hair.

June 14th: 21 Questions - 50 Cent ft. Nate Dogg
I love her like a fat kid loves cake.

June 15th: I'll Stand By You - The Pretenders
Another classic.

June 16th: I Honestly Love You - Olivia Newton John
Love the hair and outfit.

June 17th: How Am I Supposed To Live Without You - Michael Bolton
The time that Kelly and Zack broke up on "Saved by the Bell."
 
June 18th: I Have Nothing - Whitney Houston
This song says in all.  May she rest in peace.  

This is the true story...

The Real World: Foo & Jew Style

Samantha and I used to be obsessed with The Real World.  For those of you who don't know what it is, MTV puts seven random strangers together, usually with various backgrounds in race, gender, geography, and sexual orientation.  This combined with an unlimited supply of alcohol and hotness makes for a train wreck waiting to happen.  However, we were more into the old school Real World...like maybe up until Seattle where the people were just average looking and had real jobs other than being on a fast track to rehab.

Sam and I met in college through one of my suite-mates.  I think she was taking chemistry with the Crotian guy who we will call Pedro (it's not his actual name, it was just easier to pronounce).  He once said he could have Sam whenever he wanted.  I went and told her and at that point, a friendship was formed.  We bonded more along the way such as having Pedro drive us both home during Thanksgiving break, me being able to call her fat so she would stop eating, our love for the Roosevelt Fields mall, daily Starbucks runs...the list goes on...Then we graduate from college and we ended up living in the city together (New York City - but of course it goes without saying.  What other city is there?).  We would still see each other a couple times a week, one of them being OC night of course.  Needless to say, we were really sad when that show ended.  Then she moved to DC for graduate school and whenever I needed an excuse to go to DC and get a random tattoo, I could always count on that bitch!  Even when I moved to LA, we would always meet back up in NY together.  So of course, it's only natural that she would be able to penetrate my black heart by telling me she's moving to Israel for good and shattering it into a million soulless pieces.  

So for Samantha's good-bye, I made her a video that was like a confessional where I publicly humiliate her with the top 10 moments of our marriage together that can be seen here. 

This is for the times we never made the audition video and now we're too old for Real World.  Sadness.

I'm about to Blow...

I have a bone to pick with Ke$ha right now.  Last night during her concert, she didn't perform "Blow."  I know, I'm just as pissed as you guys are.  I didn't get to chant: "Go insane, go insane Throw some glitter, make it rain on 'em Let me see them hands Let me, let me see them hands."  

However, I had fun anyways.  The goal was to get "white girl wasted" and that already happened during the pre-game.  I didn't drink any Jack though.  I kind of just kept it classy with vodka redbulls.  I had to keep the night going after Ke$ha since we all knew staying for Pitbull was not really going to be an option. 

The night started innocently enough.  I left work a little early so I can have appetizers ready for the guest.  One by one they started coming and next thing you know it was a Ke$ha party.  Thank god I live like walking distance to the Hollywood Bowl, otherwise, I'm not sure we would have really made it.  

On our way out, we ran into some Dinosaurs.  Yeah, we're kind of pissed she didn't do that one either...

The night continued with a Silverlake appearance.  WeHo is usually our scene, but I guess it was a special occasion.  We figured since we were already at a Ke$ha concert, we already smelled and looked like dirty ironic hipsters.  MJ's and Akbar was how the night ended.

Let's just put it this way...getting to work today was a struggle.  I woke up looking and smelling like I crawled out of a dumpster and had that stench of shame and regret as well as one night stand hair...

Life after Kim

Don't let the faces of children fool you.  They are EVIL!

I've been depressed at work all last week.  So much so, I think I only put in 10 hours at my desk because I couldn't handle not her not sitting in front of me and us talking for the other 30 hours of the work week.  I went around to all the empty cubes and sat in all of them to see if I can find a new home where I won't have to keep mourning the exit of a beloved colleague where a temp now sits!  She left for a better job, so I can't really blame her.

I paid Kim a visit yesterday down in Hermosa Beach and we hung out by the pool of my friend Nikki's apartment complex.  There was a kid's birthday party going on at the same time.  I love children and think they're precious, but there is nothing worse than having children around when you don't want them around.  The three of us were minding our own business drinking beers by the hot tub when two bratty girls with squirt guns (they actually looked like needles and had a pink tip that looked like the head of a penis) and they started squirting towards us.  Now even though we had bathing suits on, only our feet were in the hot tub and we were not looking to get wet, especially not with hot tub water.  The squirting starting off innocent until the girls started pointing that thing up and well, you can imagine what the squirts looked like.  Then it got even worse when they were like "let's shoot it on our faces."  Or "eww, it went in my mouth."

This was the closest picture of what the gun looked like. 

They were also sassy little girls as they squirted us as well.  We were like the old people that had to politely ask them to stop.  Personally I was wondering where their parents were so I could punch them in the face for raising brats, but whatevs.  I take comfort in knowing that these girls might just turn into whores one day.  They got hot tub water into our beers and were all like "it's probably better that way anyways."  I wanted to tell them, "tell me that in 10 years bitch!"  They also didn't believe us when we told them we were drinking apple juice out of clear dixie cups.  "No, it's beer!"  Jesus, I can't even relax on a Sunday by the pool.  When I was a kid, I definitely didn't talk to strangers, clearly these girls are on the waiting list for their shot at an Amber alert!

We're classy people, so it's only classy of us to have lunch from a burger joint that inside of a liquor store.  We also needed more beers.  Don't be fooled though, these burgers and truffle fries were amazing.  It was at this place called The Standing Room.  I highly recommend it.

So life after Kim really just means heading down to the South Bay every so often and gossiping about our personal lives and maybe whoever we feel like talking about from her office past.  Maybe, just maybe I'll be more productive at work or I can just start gossiping with the Korean girls.  

June Gloom

Recapping May

I was really doing well with accomplishing all my goals in May.  Then came Memorial Day weekend and all hell broke loose and the momentum I gained just went to the shitter.  It was this four day weekend that I learned how much be 30 really does suck.  The recovery time for hang overs are apparently about two days and if you drink all four of those days, well then you apparently need the entire weekend after MMD weekend to recover, which is exactly what I did.  Sat on my A$$!

Goal #1: This one hurt the most, because I knowingly sabotaged myself.  I had exercised for 11 days out of the month and I needed just that one more day.  On Friday, May 31st, the last possible for me to do something as simple as go out for a 30 minute jog and I chose to crawl into bed after I got home from work and proceeded to lay there the rest of the night until the next morning.  I know, pathetic, I pretty much went to sleep at 6pm on a Friday night. (.92)

Goal #2: Who knew a short little write up would be so time consuming.  Regardless, it's done! (1)

Goal #3: Yayyyy!  Another friend just moved to the west coast. (1)

Goal #4: Sadly, due to expensive flights, I was not able to fly back to the east coast before Sam moves to Israel for good.  However, I will be adding a couple goals that have to do with her to June thought to make up for it. I'll still give myself half credit for checking flights and thinking about her the following month.  I'm a good friend like that. (.5)

Goal #5: The key phrase is "try to reignite."  Volleyball was one of those sports I picked up in junior high school and it kind of just followed me for the next 18 years.  Last fall I decided to slowly transition myself out of coaching.  It was beginning to feel too much like a job and it just wasn't fun for me anymore.  Having played throughout high school and college and then coaching pretty much year round since graduating from college, I needed to enjoy it again.  So I gave it a shot this month to see what playing would be like.  Although I didn't get to play, the effort was there.  This this beach volleyball thing that happens every Sunday out in Santa Monica, but it's kind of lame.  I also contacted my friend Jocelyn to see if she knew of any leagues, but then I remember that I don't really like the thought of committing to anything.  Especially not something that tells me I need to be somewhere every day the same week at a certain time.  I mean, I have my job for that.  So being that the key word was "try" and not "do", full credit is deserved. (1)

Goal #6: I think I actually went to the beach multiple days...Do I get extra credit for that?  Sure why not? (1.1)

Goal #7: Trust me, I wanted to give a beat down at some point, but I didn't. (1)

Goal #8: Nothing say "I love you" like a check in the mail. (1)

Goal #9: So I finally RSVPed for my friends Sean and Marc's 30th birthday in Vegas.  I used to do that thing were I wouldn't RSVP until the last minute just in case (something better comes along) or well you see the guest list and you're just like (#nobodygottime4dat).  (1)

Goal #10: Let's recap these horoscopes - from dailyhoroscopes.com (1)
Tuesday, May 7th: Your attention to detail makes this Tuesday a perfect day for working out contracts or other complex business negotiations. Difficulty comes with emotional plunges. The facts will usually clear up any confusion. Make sure the written word is understandable. If someone is just annoying, you try to get along, particularly if there are multiple distractions. Avoid needless stress to either body or psyche, whenever possible. You may find plans are being changed for some social affair this evening. Offer to do what you can to help. You are sure to make some new friends as well as a few new business contacts through this effort. There are special moments in a romantic involvement or in a marriage this evening.
I did end up speaking with a doctor, so I guess that's new business?  Also had a GoToMeeting with a sales rep and then met the new Marriott rep that week as well.  I even think I skipped the gym a couple days to avoid physical stress to my body.  Wow, it's so dead on!

Tuesday, May 14th: This time is perfect for focused and detailed mental work, though you may resist some of those dull routine tasks. Complete unfinished business today. You have a sharp mind and your awareness in the overview of a situation is strong. Your ambition is strong and you have the right amount of discipline to get you where you want to go. You develop a keen appreciation for the value of things, including the money it takes to buy them. Take the social opportunities that are open to you now and network with people that share your same job interests or talents. A love of music and an appreciation for sensual pleasures is strong. You may find the right romantic interest for you, or you may find an existing romance will deepen.
I have no ambition and my love life sucked that week.  I'm pretty sure I got stood up twice.  Screw you!

Tuesday, May 21st:  You may find that a promotion or practical insights come with ease. You could represent or speak for your company or communicate about your skills. You need a place to think and dream without interruptions. Perhaps a short trip or walk at the noon break will enhance your focus. Outside activity at noon will bring your energies into a comfortable balance. You will be able to return to your work with renewed enthusiasm. You can be extremely creative once you learn how to channel your thinking properly. You are willing to take risks and can rise to whatever challenges occur. You will meet an interesting person this afternoon--perhaps a new employee. Discovery of a new talent may be the topic of discussion in your home this evening.
Hmm...I'm not getting promoted and meeting a new employee?  I don't think so, my work wife pretty much gave her notice recently.

Tuesday, May 28th: You work hard and have a very strict schedule. Today is one of those days when you may find yourself huffing and puffing, either between classes, appointments or some business transactions. Others have a difficult time keeping up with you. You may be thinking about an upcoming professional goal most of this day--pre-planning. This afternoon you may decide to bring your work home. Work at planning a time budget that will leave you with more opportunities to relax and enjoy each day. What you achieve and what you gain in monetary possessions is nothing compared to what you gain with regular attention to relationships or your physical well-being. Enjoy the feeling of laughter with a friend or loved one this evening.
I found myself huffing and puffing because I an old bitch and had to recover on my first day back to work after a four day drinking binge.  

So close, I was almost perfect this month with a 9.52 out of 10 goals met.  But I think that's still an A!