I've been looking at Nala and Boo for the past week and I noticed they are losing weight. This is pretty much due to the fact that I'm somewhat starving them and only giving them half of what they are normally fed. I'm pretty sure Nala was pissed about that fact that I put her weight lost down as one of my goals. She was probably all like "Bitch! What do I have to with being the best possible version of yourself?" The answer is simple. How my pets look is a reflection on me as a pet owner. There's also another reason; cost. The NYTs had a blog titled Paying the Price of a Fat Pet. Here's the thing, if Nala or Boo ever have some kind of weird disease, there will be no medicine, they're going down. As harsh as that may sound, it's true. Healthcare amongst human is expensive enough, why spend that kind of money with pets?
This all comes with a price to pay though. Nala and I have an abusive relationship. I'm pretty much a battered woman. I think she shows me that she loves me by scratching me or attempting to murder me by running past me on staircases or doorways. People don't really believe me when they meet her because she's so sweet to them, but I know what she is deep down inside: an evil cat that's plotting my death while I'm asleep or away at work. This has gotten worse now that she's starving...I try really hard everyday to tell myself that she loves me. When she scratches me and draws blood, I just think of puppy love with that kid kicks you in the shin and that's their way of liking you. When she tries to trip me, I just think of it as her wanting to play "hide and seek." When she uses her paw to try to whack my face, I just tell myself she's trying to give me a "high five." I swear, I trip and fell and my eye hit the door knob...
There's a support group out there though. Yesterday during happy hour with some former colleagues, there was someone else who had an abusive relationship with her cat as well. She too thought it was love when her cat tries to kill her or scratches her. Her wounds or worse, a colleague actually straight up asked if she was cutting herself. At least my wounds are on my legs where you can't see them! So we just sat and discussed how we love our little critters even though all they really want to do is kill us.
So you are probably asking yourself why I have pets if I'm not really an animal person or don't know how to take care of them. Well, I inherited them from my old roommates who were a couple at the time. They thought it would be cute to get a puppy. I love dogs, but I wanted nothing to do with taking care of one because at the time I figured I would be stuck taking care of it, so I suggest a kitten. At least cats can poop on their own and don't require you to wake up early or rush home to walk them. Boo, which was a baby rabbit at the time now had a kitten friend (I know, you're imagining a Lisa Frank folder right now). Long story short, four years later, they broke up and left me with the animals. It's kind of like that awful Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel movie Life As We Know It, except they didn't die. They just abandoned their pets and because I don't have the heart to put them in a shelter, I figured I would just take them for the time being until they live out the rest of their natural lives.
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