Goal #5 Down

Now I know the goal was to hike Runyon Canyon five times this month, but I thought it was be nice to change things up a little bit so yesterday, I found a partner in crime to run away to Santa Barbara with for a hike and then a good deal of alcohol, but that's not the point.  Although, I can recommend a great place by the pier for a mean Mai Thai and some wineries in Los Olivos.  

Hiking the Cold Springs Trail in Montecito was beautiful (Oprah has a house there).  It was also kind of real.  We rolled up in cute coats, skinny jeans, and shoes and quickly realized that a change would be in order.  I guess Santa Barbara isn't Runyon where you wear the smallest tank top you can possibly find coupled with the shortest shorts possible, sneakers that are not meant for a hike and D&G shades.  We had to change into sweatshirts, shorts, and sneakers to survive the trail, dirt, mud, rocks, and streams.  We even came across big dogs (not little bitch dogs that people take to Runyon).  The hike was allegedly 1.8 miles round trip.  I think I may have read it wrong and I confused round trip for one way.  I'm not an avid hiker, but I can guarantee it shouldn't take 1.5 hours to hike 1.8 miles.  At one point, we crossed paths with a wolf like looking K-9 and I thought it was lost or maybe it was an illusion where I thought I saw a dog, but it was a spirit that was to represent my Native American animal - it was a long hike and I started getting hot, so I could have been seeing things.  Let me tell you though, the top of the trail overlooking the city of Santa Barbara is well worth it.  I would definitely do this again, there's apparently an Inspirational hike that's 6.8 miles.  I'm tempted to see if the trail would end with the food of the Gods and me finding a higher calling while drinking purified water from the stream. 

The hiking goal is something I decided to do to lead into February goals.  I figured since I'm running a 10K in February that involves some incline, this would be good training for my legs! 

Case of the Abusive Cat

I've been looking at Nala and Boo for the past week and I noticed they are losing weight.  This is pretty much due to the fact that I'm somewhat starving them and only giving them half of what they are normally fed.  I'm pretty sure Nala was pissed about that fact that I put her weight lost down as one of my goals.  She was probably all like "Bitch!  What do I have to with being the best possible version of yourself?"  The answer is simple.  How my pets look is a reflection on me as a pet owner.  There's also another reason; cost.  The NYTs had a blog titled Paying the Price of a Fat Pet.  Here's the thing, if Nala or Boo ever have some kind of weird disease, there will be no medicine, they're going down.  As harsh as that may sound, it's true.  Healthcare amongst human is expensive enough, why spend that kind of money with pets? 

This all comes with a price to pay though.  Nala and I have an abusive relationship.  I'm pretty much a battered woman.  I think she shows me that she loves me by scratching me or attempting to murder me by running past me on staircases or doorways.  People don't really believe me when they meet her because she's so sweet to them, but I know what she is deep down inside: an evil cat that's plotting my death while I'm asleep or away at work.  This has gotten worse now that she's starving...I try really hard everyday to tell myself that she loves me.  When she scratches me and draws blood, I just think of puppy love with that kid kicks you in the shin and that's their way of liking you.  When she tries to trip me, I just think of it as her wanting to play "hide and seek."  When she uses her paw to try to whack my face, I just tell myself she's trying to give me a "high five."  I swear, I trip and fell and my eye hit the door knob...

There's a support group out there though.  Yesterday during happy hour with some former colleagues, there was someone else who had an abusive relationship with her cat as well.  She too thought it was love when her cat tries to kill her or scratches her.  Her wounds or worse, a colleague actually straight up asked if she was cutting herself.  At least my wounds are on my legs where you can't see them!  So we just sat and discussed how we love our little critters even though all they really want to do is kill us. 

So you are probably asking yourself why I have pets if I'm not really an animal person or don't know how to take care of them.  Well, I inherited them from my old roommates who were a couple at the time.  They thought it would be cute to get a puppy.  I love dogs, but I wanted nothing to do with taking care of one because at the time I figured I would be stuck taking care of it, so I suggest a kitten.  At least cats can poop on their own and don't require you to wake up early or rush home to walk them.  Boo, which was a baby rabbit at the time now had a kitten friend (I know, you're imagining a Lisa Frank folder right now).  Long story short, four years later, they broke up and left me with the animals.  It's kind of like that awful Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel movie Life As We Know It, except they didn't die.  They just abandoned their pets and because I don't have the heart to put them in a shelter, I figured I would just take them for the time being until they live out the rest of their natural lives. 

Mid Month Status

So here's the skinny on how my goals are progressing as well as my bachelor fantasy league.  What can I say, I'm Asian and a nerd, so I love progress reports...

1. Gym 10 times:  Now I know 10 seems like an easy number and it also seems as if I'll be underachieving as well even if I went 10 times.  I'm not one of those people who had bad relationships with the gym.  I'm all about working out (mainly for cosmetic reasons aka: toning and staying thin, the whole staying healthy thing is just a cherry on top).  The gym is gay church and the ab machine is our god.  Actually, The Abbey is gay church, but we all know what I mean.  I only started with 10 because I haven't gone in so long that I thought I would ease my way into it again.  I once went to the gym 23 times in one month.  It was easier back then, I was a full time graduate student, so my only job was to do school work, work on my dissertation, coach volleyball for 2 hours, and work out.  I was so slim fit that month, it was amazing.

I rejoined the 24 Hour Fitness now that I don't work on campus anymore.  Let me tell you something, the 24 Hour Fitness in Hollywood is another world.  Everyone looks good.  It's almost kind of distracting.  I noticed my workouts took longer than usual because I was just starring at people all the time.  I actually needed to step my game up with the way I dress to the gym.  I look more put together at the gym than at work.  I guess I know where my priorities are at.  Can I really just go to the gym with a cotton t-shirt and old sneakers when everyone else looks like they walked out of the LuLuLemon catalog?  Probably not, because the only place that has more judgement than the Abbey on Sunday Funday would be the gym. 

Alas, at the midway point of the month, I have now gone six times.  This also doesn't include volleyball practices that I have to go to, but for the sake of actually working out and lifting weights, we won't include those.  Over and under on accomplishing this goal?  I would bet on me...

2. Make coffee every odd day: So I was doing really well with this goal until I went to Starbucks yesterday.  I think I was so tired that for some reason, I didn't realize Wednesday was the number 3.  Wednesday sounds kind of even doesn't it?  Regardless, I rationalized it by telling myself it was okay because it was the only day this week that I went to Starbucks.  So maybe instead of saying every odd day, I should just change it to make coffee four times a week.  I'm already beginning to notice the extra money in my wallet.  I received my credit card year end summary - those are always scary because you realized that you someone spend more than your annual salary and you're just left wondering if you really are better than the rest of the general public.  I moved to Hollywood July 1st.  In the six months that I have been living there, I spent $268.43 at my neighborhood Starbucks.  That's almost $45 a month.  This is just with my credit card and in six months.  I don't even want to think about what it would look like if I kept a record of my cash expenses and looked at it from an annual standpoint.  However, progress is on the horizon.  So far, I only spent $13.15 this year.  Perhaps the most alarming thing isn't that I have a coffee addiction or am too lazy to make my own coffee in the morning.  There was a much bigger concern that came in on my annual statement.  Apparently, I have a drinking problem at the Abbey because in 2012, I ended up charging $1,736.21!  Drinks average about $14 there, so assuming that framework, I have about 2.4 drinks a week there on an annual basis.  Again, this does not include cash...No wonder I have to coach girls' high school volleyball in the fall and boys' club volleyball in the winter/spring.  It's totally drinking money...and just drinking money at the Abbey.  I'm afraid to look at Rage, Fiesta, and Mickeys...

3.  Sunday Fundays 2x Max: Done: Goal #3

4. Do Not Roll Your Eyes:  Remember this post? Well, I'm still up to the same old tricks, except one day I kept blinking and shutting my eyes so much, my contact got lost up in my left eye.  Yeahhhhhh, maybe it's time to find a new way to not roll my eyes anymore.

5. Runyon 5x: I've gone twice so far.  I'm not too worried about this one.  It'll happen.

6. Nala and Boo need to lose 1lb: So now that I only feed my animals half of what I usually feed them, they do look skinner, except they are mean.  Nala is constantly trying to attack me now.  Is this what being overweight and hungry feels like?  You're just angry all the time when you're not eating?  Doesn't she understand that I'm trying to save her life?  She's like this 18lbs cat when she should really only be about 13lbs.  This just goes to show I shouldn't have children anytime soon.  I would end up fattening my kids and giving them a life time of medical issues because I don't know how to feed them correctly.  Not to mention the therapy bills that will stack up when I keep calling them "fat."

7. See number 4. Although recently, some old daddy gave me this look at Trunks and blew like a kiss.  I tried really hard not to throw up with smiling back.  I only did that because of this: http://hommemaker.com/2013/01/02/new-years-resolutions-every-gay-should-live-by/.  See number 7.  Sure, they didn't chain themselves to the white house like the women's movement, but they do have a body of knowledge that I never will...

8. Done: First goal to be accomplished this month.

9. Go Snowboarding: Hmm, I'm still working on this as it's difficult to coordinate with people.  My only other option would be to go snowboarding by myself.  And I'm not that much of a loser.

10. Done, Done, and Done.  He's staying put and now we have a fantasy bachelor league (see picture).  Loser buys the winner dinner at a classy restaurant.  I think the Cheesecake Factory is classy, so that's not really saying much...

(Non)Sunday Funday Success

It pains me to actually call this a success.  Two Sundays into the month and its been accomplished.  There was a time when I had six consecutive Sunday Fundays.  On Saturday night, a group of friends and I were discussing how much we loved Sunday day-time drinking that carries on to whatever hour of the night. Sometimes, we remember we have work the next day and we're done by 7pm, other times, we just say "screw it" and all of a sudden, it's midnight and you just know Monday is going to be painful, but it's worth it. 

It's "winter" time now in LA, but there's just something so fun about being able to wear shorts and cute shoes out paired with a tank to show off the arms you've been working so hard all winter and spring for and then wear shades the whole time indoors so you can admire the eye candy of judge the hot messes.  What can possibly be more fun then starting your day with mimosas over brunch before heading over to Fiesta for 2 for 1 drinks, followed by Mickey's for $5 sangrias, hop over to the Abbey for a quick drink before ending the night at Here Lounge by dancing the night away?  I know - clubbing on a Sunday night is still weird, even for me.

I gave all that up to succeed in my goal of only 2 Sunday Fundays a month.  Ironically, I think I may only be able to have one this month or even none!  Does it really count as Sunday Funday if it's MLK weekend?  Wouldn't that technically make Sunday more of like a Saturday?  Now, why can't I go out on the fourth Sunday?  I'm going to be in Orlando the final weekend of January for work.  There is nothing I hate more than Florida, with maybe the exception of New Jersey and all sports teams in the New England area...

I'll have to admit, the past couple Mondays at work have been relatively easy to get to.  I didn't wake up smelling like I brushed my teeth with gin, having one night stand hair, or waking up in a foreign place.  It really does make it easier to get to work the next day waking up in your own bed and smelling like you took a shower the night before.

However, this goal will not be included in the upcoming months.  I just love Sunday Funday way too much.

Cheers to that!

January Goal #10: Accomplished*

My roommate decided not to take the job offer in Oakland anymore.  This of course was great news for me because you never really want your good friends to move (I already had to deal with my ride or die chick Samantha moving to Israel this past September).  I didn't quite accomplish the goal by sending him job listings in LA that were comparable to the same job being offered to him in Oakland, but I will take credit for helping him with his pros and cons.  Although, the first and only con that should have persuaded him to not go was the fact that he had to move to Oakland.  I mean OAKLAND, that's not even San Francisco.  I'm pretty sure a friend of mine described it best when he said "Oakland is home to the Raiders.  Enough said."

Other reasons include, but are not limited to:
1. The weather sucks.  It's always cold and muggy (I know as someone born and raised in the northeast, I have no right saying this, but I did kind of move to LA for the weather and to also pursue my dream of being Britney's back-up dancer).
2. Crime - I'm surprised the show "Cops" only shoots in Florida, but not in Oakland.
3. Staring over!  I mentioned to my roommate how awful it would be to have to start over when you're around the age of 30.  I briefly mentioned this NYT article Why It's Hard to Make Friends Over 30? and at that point, I saw the horror on his face as he slowly started reading it.

Two quotes from the article really hits close to home:

"No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now."

"After a move to New York in his 30s, Dave Cervini, a radio station executive, was so lonely that he would walk his cat in Central Park, hoping to stoke conversations."

I actually saw the second one as an opportunity to kind of get rid of Nala.  I told Tommy if he was going to move to Oakland, he can take her with him to walk in a park because god knows she needs to shed a couple pounds.

While home for Christmas break, my sister asked me how often I see my best friend or even some of my really good friends in LA.  I answered with almost on average every two weeks.  She was kind of shocked and thought that was really good.  Is it really good that you only see your friends twice a month?  She mentioned that she may only see her best friends once a month for a quick dinner and even then that might be a stretch.  The unfortunate thing is that I actually think I am one of the luckier ones.  I try not to go too long without seeing friends because then they just resort to being "Facebook" friends where you keep tabs on them and if something interesting happens in their lives you may want to "like" it or leave a comment, or even just go "oh, how interesting" and call it a day.  Yes, I'm aware technology has made us all very lazy individuals.

After all was said and done, we just sat in the living room on a brisk Monday night and watched a show that I will not name or will admit to the general public in which we just made fun of a whole bunch of hot mess women looking to find love in 9 weeks and shouting at the television set.  I just love the feeling of accomplishments! 

January Goal # 4 Update: The Eye Twitch

Last Friday night proved to be very difficult for me with this goal.  Although I feel like I made it out alive without failing, failure might be inevitable.  However, in the mean time, I did devise a trick to make sure the eye roll doesn't happen.  Unfortunately, I look like I'm about to have a narcoleptic seizure each time.  It all started when my friends asked if I wanted to meet up for Happy Hour and watch the Cotton Bowl at The Happy Ending (no, it's not a massage pallor, it's actually a New York Giants bar in LA, trust, I know because I witnessed the Giants late season collapse there). 

While watching the game, I told my friends about goals number 4 and 7.  They kind of gave me that "gUrLLL...who are you trying to kid look."  After the game, we headed over to WeHo and I'm pretty sure those were the most trying 4 hours of my life.  The night was going on smoothly enough with the four of us drinking our vodkas and the mixers of choice and then it happened.  Three ironic nerd hipsters that looked like they could have been on the cast of "The Big Bang Theory" came over and introduced themselves.  I smiled, said "hi," introduced myself, and looked away.  That was the universal sign for "please leave me the F alone now."  However, of course, they kept talking, but that's what your friends are for right?  You can use them as a buffer while you check your phone to see who went to the gym that night or read status updates like "OMG, working on a Friday night, FML."  Five minutes later, those guys left and I never felt more proud of myself.

Next up came this dirty looking guy with curly long hair and circle glasses.  Kind of looked like an ugly Sherlock Holmes.  When this guy came up to talk to me, I really thought my friends at this point were trying to play sabotage to me accomplishing my goals.  The only thing redeeming about this guy was his two hot girlfriends (I'm always on the look out for hot girlfriends that can hang).  So, I just sucked it up and smiled, and introduced myself as John.  I was not lucky enough this time as he wanted to have an actual conversation.  I don't know what came over me, but as he kept talking, I kept blinking my eyes.  He mentioned he was an actor/writer/comedian (blink, blink, blink).  Then he mentioned he was in community college (that was like a stab in the heart, I had to literally spin my head 180 degrees and just shut my eyes for a bit).  Now I have nothing against community colleges, in fact, I wrote an entire dissertation on community colleges, but why I do get all the weirdo community college types?  Then he proceeded to ask about my day job and this is when the narcoleptic seizures began.  "I'm a personal assistant" - blink.  "I also nanny for this family and cook and clean for them.  I'll basically do anything outside of having sex for pay."  BLINK, BLINK, SHUT EYES, BLINK, BLINK, SHUT EYES, SHUT EYES --- "UMM, CAN WE PLEASE GO TO MICKEY'S NOW!?!"  Thankfully, my friends obliged and I chugged what was left of my drink and got the hell out of dodge.  The rest of the night was a little better since I just decided to have at rest bitch face.  I figured if I didn't look warm and inviting, I wouldn't have to worry about my friends calling 911 due to me having a seizure.

I told my friend Carla about this the next day and she kept pointing out to me that even if you roll your eyes with your eye lids closed, it's still rolling your eyes.  Sure, she has a point, but I mean, baby steps right?  Rome was not built in a day. 

January Goal # 8: Achieved!

Stereotypes exist for a reason, like the one where Asians are overachievers.  I perpetuated this when I went to achieve goal number 8 for January the same night I set these goals.  Now I can't take all the credit.  It just kind of happened.  I didn't even have plans to cook yesterday night.  My roommate was having a dinner date over and asked if I wanted to help him cook.  Normally, that would sound like hell for me since the kitchen and I don't usually get along, but for selfish reasons (January Goal #10), I was happy to be sous chef.  I figured if I wouldn't be able to bombard him with job postings to keep him from moving to Oakland, maybe, just maybe whipping up a nice dinner to help with his love life might do the trick.  The two bottles of red wine would help too.  It was like all the stars aligned and said "John, this is your chance to knock off one goal and perhaps cross out another one."

I didn't have much to work with since he was making the chicken and left me in charge with the red and green peppers.  Thanks to Google Chrome, I typed in "roasted peppers" and this recipe came into play (Roasted Peppers in Olive Oil).  The cheese was just something I added because I'm a fatty...As you can tell, the cheese is not necessary, I did a half and half thing.

To add cheese, just melt it inside the peppers and then throw bread crumbs (or shake n bake) if you're ghetto like me.

This whole goal took about 15 minutes to accomplish and it didn't even taste half bad...

And it begins with January...

Goal: achievement toward which effort is directed

Jacob Palmer from "Crazy, Stupid, Love" said "Be the best possible version of yourself and do not settle."  It's the third day of the new year and while everyone is trying to hold on to what they have left of their resolutions, I decided to tackle on goal setting.  You see, the difference is that goals are meant to be accomplished whereas resolutions are meant to be...well...un-resloved.  Who wants to really start their first quarter off failing? 

I noticed things were going terribly wrong when I left the house with my roommate on New Year's Day and I actually went out in public looking like I'm already spoken for.  As a single man living in probably the most vapid city in the world, I have no right rolling around with unkempt hair, an over-sized sweatshirt, and last night's jeans that were drenched in alcohol spilled on you at Rage.  All this while having not taken a shower.  Needless to say, I looked like my idol Ke$ha or at least Britney circa 2006.  

It is now time for a change.  You get to sit along and laugh at me as you see me post 10 goals in the beginning of each month and then write about what it was like to accomplish or not quite accomplish each one as the month goes on.