File those Taxes Today!

First off, I'm not sure why I didn't state getting my taxes done well before the tax deadline as a goal.  It would have been a total "gimme."  But, we know what happened the last time I had a "gimme."

Half the month is over and things don't look too promising for me to complete this list of 10.  I actually have less than half a month to go as I'm leaving LA on the 24th to head to Orlando and New York for work and won't be back until May 3rd.  This really only gives me 9 more days to accomplish everything else.  So how are things stacking up for me this month thus far?

Goal 1: Exercise 15 times this month: Well, so far, I've been to the gym three times.  Would have been four if it wasn't for that "Scary Movie 5" red carpet at the Arclight Cinemas.  I know, #hollywoodproblems.  Then there was my one yoga class and the Runyon run.  So I guess I'm 1/3 of the way there.  Guess somebody is going to be hitting the hotel gyms hard while traveling.

Goal 2: There's bird shit all over my car.  Enough said.

Goal 3: I'm going to say yes?  Okay, I'm sure talking about the breed and the age of dogs you don't own just to strike up conversation with people really isn't all that interesting.  I still have half a month to pass off someone else's cute pup as mine.

Goal 4: I think I found a pair.  It's just a matter of committing to it on Zappos.

Goal 5: I didn't weigh myself recently, but I think the magic number is 151lbs.  Please don't hate.  Contrary to popular belief, I do not throw up my food.  I throw up alcohol.  If I eat first and then drink and then puke, it doesn't count as bulimia. #afterschoolspecial

Goal 6: Save $500 - I'm 40% there.  At the end of each week, I just move the remainder of what's left from my weekly allowance from my checking account to my savings account.  I haven't really been drinking too much lately, so I'm just saving my alcohol allowance.

Goal 7: Done and it's still a work in progress.  I know it negates the saving $500 if I keep spending money on a new wardrobe, that like I said, I haven't really been drinking.  I also give myself a monthly clothing allowance as well.  That's the great thing about having a full-time job and a roommate.  You have extra cash in the end of the month to just spend on whatever you want so you don't feel as miserable about your life.

Goal 8: I read somewhere that Goodwill actually makes a lot of profit that doesn't go to anyone but the CEO.  I need to rethink this goal and possibly find some other alternative, perhaps the Salvation Army.

Goal 9: Ahh yes, Nala is slowly being trained this month.  I have a spray bottle at hand and she gets wet every time she even looks like she might be on the attack. #wetpussy

Goal 10: I watched season 3 of Walking Dead in two days.  Don't even get me started on how obsessed I was. 

Spring Buying

I once read somewhere that dating in LA is like opening your closet that's full of clothing and still not knowing what to wear.  No, this is not a post on dating, this is actually a post on revamping my wardrobe because I really do open my closet and not know what to wear.  I was able to identify the key problem areas as to why I would have clothes overflowing and still feel like I have nothing. 

1. There are too many options.  Ever just open up a Cheesecake Factory menu and not know what to order?  I mean, they save so many selections on cheesecake alone, it's almost impossible to choose one.  I actually feel the same way about my tank top collection. #tanktopseason

2. Everything seems old to me.  I feel like I've seen a lot of what's already in my closet and that I don't have enough options.  I know, I'm aware that two negates one, but I never admitted to not being even slightly crazy and irrational at times.

3. I'm lazy so usually I just grab what's on top or wrinkle-free.  Due to this, I feel like I'm wearing the same thing every day.  I guess it's kind of like a FWB situation where you just settle for what's there because it's the most convenient. 

I'm in a rut.  So while browsing multiple back issues of Details, I found some pieces that would look great on me and I went around shopping this month for a more affordable version.  As much as I think a pair of Ferragamo's would be amazing, we all can't afford a pair of $600 uncomfortable shoes.  Kenneth Cole's would do.  A sales person at that store once told me that all the men who work there love the shoes because they are so comfortable and they just sashay up and down the store.  She had me at "sashay."  Besides, upon finishing Mindy Kaling's autobiography, I have to agree with her that every guy needs a nice pair of black shoes.  My brother told me the same thing when he asked if I have the shoes for his wedding yet.  

I decided that my new look would be preppy northeast.  I figured I can get away with this because it's work appropriate and weekend appropriate.  I know it's not too drastic of a change from what I usually look like; preppy jock. 

So what does this new look entail?  For starters, skinny fit chinos.  I love the various colors.  I own the brass and green ones.  Classic Sperry's.  I have plaid ones, but you always need the classics.  The look ends with any brand of the slim fit plaid button down variety.  No socks.  In fact, I try to make excuses to not wear socks as much as possible.  My casual Friday attire consists of skinny jeans and Toms.  I know they're ugly shoes, but they are comfortable and a poor kid in Africa get's a pair when I buy one, so let's not get nasty here.  I received plenty of compliments from my new get-up.  I was told I looked very dapper, looked very east coast, looked very cute (although that really goes without saying), and someone mentioned they loved the color of my pants.  The moral of the story is that if I put effort into a new look every season, I will always be paid with compliments!

Going for the hat trick

Sometimes I really can be an overachiever even though I tell every person I meet that my life long dream is to be a kept man.  The idea of running a foundation for some obscure cause, picking up my children from soccer practice, and maintaining a fab home just sounds so delightful.  So naturally on a weekend where I have a friend from college visiting and having to dog sit for my #bff, I would end up trying to tackle three goals. 

Just a nice lazy Sunday watching a lot of Walking Dead

 First off was this whole "Walking Dead" business (Goal #10).  I decided to see what all the rave was about last week, so I watched season 1 on Netflix in two nights.  So on Saturday night while I was dog-sitting and had my friend Joel over for wine night, I started watching season 2.  I was already like 2.5 episodes in though, so I actually didn't really start on Saturday night.  After many tall "Cougar Town" like glasses of wine and some diet calimocho, I feel asleep.  The dogs survived.  I woke up the next morning and proceeded to just turn on the Netflix and with the exception of the one hour that I went to yoga (I know, yoga on a Sunday afternoon is kind of a housewife luxury), I watched all of season two and was three episodes into season three when the parents got back around 10:30pm.  I was addicted.  I was probably also very zombie like just laying on the couch staring at a television all day.  Season three was not on Netflix.  Stephen buys them on Amazon, so I had to just watch it from there.  When he got home, I made sure to ask for his username and password.  He didn't remember it, I wanted to cry.  I was like a junkie wondering when he would get his next hit.  I got home that night and went to bed never really feeling the same.  I would have done anything to continue watching season three even if it meant taking a mental health day.

Drunk dog-sitting.  How else do people do it?

 So when Stephen asked me to dog-sit this weekend, I naturally said "yes" (Goal #3).  Such a great way to meet new people.  I didn't take into account how hard it would be to walk two dogs of different breeds while trying to strike up a conversation.  I wonder how funny I looked walking a pitbull and the Taco Bell dog.  I would have Zoey (the pit) pulling me forward while Zero was just wanting to take his sweet ass time pissing on anything and everything.  There's also nothing attractive about picking up dog poop with doggie bags and then having to carry it around until I can find the closest garbage can to dispose of it.  However, I did get two opportunities to strike up some dog-friendly conversation.  The first was a guy who was walking his German Shepard.  Zoey was all about being playful and I really was not in the mood for the German thing to attack Zoey and have me trying to break up a dog fight.  So I'm just gripping the lease with all my strength.  The guy asked if she was a puppy, which I answered "yes."  Everything else seemed to have faltered with questions beyond that.  I had to eventually say "I don't know, these are not my dogs."  I need to get my act together, the whole point of dog sitting is so I can pretend like they are mine and scam on hotties.  The second conversation was lackluster as well.  I'm like a very awful version of "Barney's Playbook." 

Nala's Friday night attack.

 On Friday night while I was minding my own business just drinking with a college friend from out of town, Nala attacked me.  This time, it was more harsh than usual.  Needless to say, I had to follow though (Goal #9) and I un-leased holy hell on her in the form of a spray bottle.  Now whenever she attacks me, I'm just going to chase her around the apartment squirting her.  I know, it seems ridic that a 30 year on adult would have to chase his psycho cat around to train her on how to not abuse me.  I thought things were good until I returned home last night.  I guess in her defense, I did leave her for 24 hours (I'm such a battered woman that I'm making excuses for her physical abuse on me).  Out of nowhere, she crept up upon me and made my leg her dinner for the night.  A spray bottle war ensued.  I think I'm getting through to her though.  Up next if the spray bottle doesn't work is going to be me dumping her ass in the shower.  That'll teach her!

April Fool's Goals

Near Perfection

Clockwise: Running into my friend Erica at LAX, Eaton Canyon waterfall, my clean desk, and Mimosas at the Wicked Spoon at the Cosmo in Vegas.

The odds were stacked against me this month, but I was able to accomplish so much.  Who knew that with a little determination and a fear of constant failure, that I would have one of my best months in this new year. Why were the odds stacked against me?  Well, I only had roughly 20 days to do it all.  From March 15th - March 24th, I was working 15 hour days and living in a hotel and then of course going to Vegas for a 16 hour trip.

It says here I went 12 times in March, but I had to scan in twice in one day because I left something in the gym that I had to go back and retrieve.

 Goal #1: I went to the gym 11 times this month!  Finally, now I know it doesn't seem like a lot but let's keep in mind the goal is to go to the gym.  So things like hiking and yoga which I do on the side as well do not count.  The 11th time gives me an extra one-tenth of a point.  Being that we live in a world of extra credit, I don't see why I can't give myself some extra padding.  I remember the first time I saw a gpa that was over a 4.0.  I didn't know what to do with it or how to understand it.  I just chalked it up to grade inflation and the competitive college admissions game, which all of it is really bullshit. (1.1)

This is an old picture from when I was partaking in Movember, but it was the only picture of me sitting on yoga ball as a chair for work. 

Goal #2: Sitting on a yoga ball was something I did at my last job.  When I came to this job, I was too lazy to bring the ball back into work and inflate it.  So to do so, I needed to make it a goal.  The best part about this goal is that you get an 8 hour core workout and good posture.  So important! (1)

Goal #3: Done!  I can't believe how much of a jet-setter I am. (1)

Goal #4: This goal was brought to you by Suzi Orman.  While watching her segment on "How am I doing?" I decided to see how I was doing.  So the net worth is basically assets minus liabilities (debt).  Don't do this if you have a lot of student loans or a mortgage.  It will never be a win-win situation.  So this was hard, increasing net worth by 10% would mean that I would have to save my monthly paychecks and also apparently not have to pay rent, utilities, and any other types of payments for the month.  I calculated my results on the 27th and I increased it by roughly 2.5%.  However, that was before I needed to pay rent, so in reality, I probably only increased it by 1%.  I'll give myself (.1).  Makes sense doesn't it?

Goal #5: I'm doing my best at being a scholar and contributing to my field (1).  

Goal #6: Okay, okay, so I realized this was a stupid goal.  Not because I wasn't able to not use credit cards for a month, but because I realized all my bills are linked to it!  This is not limited to iTunes, LADWP, TimeWarner Cable, Verizon, etc...However, outside of that, it was quite successful.  Totally deserve .75 credit!

Goal #7: Don't go chasing waterfalls, stick me in an ocean where I be looking real good! (1)

Goal #8: Okay, so here's the deal.  I went clothing shopping on March 30th.  I technically went 30 days.  Plus, everything I bought was on sale at Urban Outfitters.  My roommate and I went to Target earlier and had a really unfulfilled shopping experience.  We spent so much money on necessities, that it didn't make us feel satisfied.  So I had to make myself feel better by walking to UO.  I almost got away with not buying anything because he owed me money for the LADWP bill and figured he could just buy me the pair of pants and we would call it even, but there was a lot of good stuff and most of it was for work...so...I guess it doesn't really count as clothing shopping?  I mean, what if I waited until April and they were all gone!  Okay, I won't give myself full credit for it, but I'll give myself like .95!  I didn't shop for almost the entire month!

Goal #9: It's so gross, I haven't cleaned my desk since I started working here five months ago.  The desk that collected....I'm not even going to post a picture of what I had to go through! (1)

Goal #10: I won't go into detail on how I'm managing them better, but at least they're not sitting around surfing the web anymore.  It took me two months, but I finally figured out who's skills aligned with which tasks.  Well and I basically just told everyone in the office to pile work on to them! (1)

So 9.1/10.  This month was really my best showing yet and I do believe that a 91 is kind of like an A-. 

Jet Setter: Take that George Clooney!

I went to Vegas for 16 hours over the weekend.  There were two purposes for the trip.  One was to go see some friends who were there for the weekend for the first weekend of March madness, the second reason was to make sure I would be on a plane at least once for 12 consecutive months.  Well, I was going to fly to Vegas regardless.  I'm at a point in my life where driving to Vegas really isn't going to work for me anymore.  The 4.5 hours drive back to LA while hungover is just not worth it.  I don't recover as quickly. 

Let's discuss my crazy attempt at a 16 hour trip to Vegas.  Prior to heading to Vegas on Saturday, I worked 8 straight 13 hour days.  This consisted of being at work at 7am and not finishing up until 8 or 9 depending on how things went.  On top of slaving away, I really only slept probably a couple hours per night since I was in a hotel and not my own bed.  I should have just rested on Friday night after hell week was over to prepare myself for Vegas, but a friend was moving out of the area and wanted to celebrate.  It would have been rude of me not to go.  So like a reasonable adult, I only have like four drinks (double jacks on the rocks).  I know, I've been really hard core with my drinking lately, but I think this is due to more financial and practical reasons that my taste of pure liquor.  I was doing some maths (thank you Willow Smith for coining that term) and I realized that a jack and coke would be like $8 and so would straight up jack on the rocks.  I thought this was more cost effective as there is most alcohol and even less calories.  Just sayin...so for all you calorie counters, just drink your liquor straight up and then throw it up afterwards, you know you want to.  I left the club around 2am and when all was said and done, it was probably 3am when I went to bed.  I was up four hours later (probably still drunk) and getting ready to head to the airport.

I arrived at the airport with not a single piece of luggage, I figured since I was only going to be in Vegas for 16 hours, I would just roll in with a jacket, jeans, and some Toms.  I didn't even bother to wear socks.  When I landed, I proceeded to the Wicked Spoon where I met my group and closed down brunch.  I know, I seem to have that ability everywhere I go.  The food was amazing as far as buffets are concerned, but the best part was that bottomless mimosas for only $9 more to your tab.  Between the seven of us, we had over 50 glasses of mimosas in what was only maybe a 2.5 hour span of time.  I wanted to die at that point already. 

Count those glasses. I dare you!

 After brunch, the rest of them wanted to gamble and I had no desire to do so.  It's not that I'm not a gambling man, but I figured that since I was only around for 16 hours, I would be able to do things that didn't require gambling.  Like I said, I had a long week, so I went for some R&R at the Canyon Ranch Spa at the Venetian.  I basically took a nap and detoxed for two hours.

I like how when people have gone to college, they never actually leave college.  I met up with the group at their suites at the Vdara.  It was off the strip and had no casino, but it felt awesome to go into a hotel that didn't welcome you with cigarette smoke.  It smelled clean and fresh.  I was sitting on the sofa watching Gonzaga get upset and all of a sudden someone decided they wanted to play Rage Cage.  You don't know what that is?  Well, here are the rules and here's a video.  After playing two rounds of this, it was probably second point of the night where I wanted to die.

Dinner reservations were at 9:30pm at Hofbrauhaus.  It's like German or something.  I should have known it was going to be quite the shit show when I was able to hear from the outside the MC saying "that's 21 nipples in a row!"  Funny, and here I thought nipples came in pairs.  The only thing you need to know is that one liter is equal to three beers in case you ever want to get the liter.  They also had the boot which I thought was just unnecessary.  I hate Vegas.

1 Liter = 3 beers

 For those of you who made fun of me for just walking on the plane and being a potential terrorist, doing saved me.  Sure, I might be on some TSA watch list because I just rolled up at the airport with no luggage and I ethnic, but at least I bought a round trip ticket.  I didn't have shoes that would get me into the club that night.  XS was the location and I forgot how in like fancy straight clubs, you actually need to like wear shoes and look dressy.  I'm just so used to wear v-necks and skinny jeans and cute sneakers.  Let's not even go there with the admissions into the club which is dependent on the guy/girl ratio.  Who wants to deal with that?  Who wants to even get dressed up so some bouncer (who is usually fat and ugly) can treat you like shit at the door?  I really don't have that kind of patience.  I barely have enough patience to wait on a line that's probably only five minutes long much less to say an hour with the potential of not even getting in.

My old age got to me and I went back to the room to catch a 2 hour nap before I head back to the airport.  Two hours later, it was the third time I felt like I wanted to die.  I boarded the plane and shut my phone off and put on my seat belt.  I woke up to us landing at LAX an hour later.  It's an awful feeling waking up to a plane landing, you're not quite sure what's happening.  Oh, my day was not over at 7AM that morning.  I had to kill a little over three hours since a good friend from college was flying in from North Dakota and had a layover at LAX before heading to Korea.  Let's just say, I slept at the airport for three hours and then woke up to other guys sleeping next to me.  At least I got this picture!

So let's recap the year starting with me on a plane starting with April 2012:

April 2012: RT Los Angeles to Austin, TX (work trip)
May 2012: RT Los Angeles to San Francisco (family trip)
June 2012: RT Los Angeles to NYC (work trip)
July 2012 (1): Los Angeles to Maui, Maui to Honolulu, Honolulu to Los Angeles (vacation)
July 2012 (2): RT Los Angeles to Las Vegas (weekend getaway with the boys)
August 2012: Los Angeles to NYC (saying good-bye to the Jew before she moves to Israel)
September 2012 (1): NYC to Los Angeles (what's carried over from saying good-bye to the Jew)
September 2012 (2): LA to Atlanta, Fayetteville, NC, Newark, NJ, and NYC (work and personal trip)
October 2012: RT Los Angeles to Sacramento (work trip, obviously!)
November 2012: Europe! (Rome, Brussels, London) That's how I roll when I turn 30.
December 2012: RT Los Angeles to NYC (home for the holidays)
January 2013: RT Los Angeles to Orlando (again, obviously work related)
February 2013: RT Los Angeles to NYC (Chinese New Year)
March 2013: RT Los Angeles to Las Vegas (16 hour rage fest)

Oh, why don't I just show off and mention that I'll be on a plane again in April for a work trip to Orlando and NYC. 

Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls

Eaton Canyon Falls

A lot happened in 1995.  To name a few:
1. I was going into my final year of junior high school.  The New York Public School system decided to discard the 9th grade from middle school as an option and everyone had to head to high school the following year.
2. The late Selena was murdered by her manager.  It's still bittersweet whenever I hear her on the radio.  I feel the same way about Vanessa Williams when they play her as well.
3. Oklahoma City bombing made me realize that terrorism can happen in America.
4. The New Jersey Devils won their first Stanley Cup...I know, who cares.
5. Microsoft 95 happened.
6. I became a teenager.
7. And the most important...TLC's "Waterfalls" was the bomb song of the year.

This past Thursday, I had the day off of work because it was going to be the beginning of the end of my social life for the next eight days.  Four weeks out of the year, I become a live-in camp counselor for a bunch of medical professionals where I plan their entire lives for them.  I'm essentially a CIA handler, but not as cool.  I decided to go on a solo journey to search for a waterfall.  I heard there were some in LA.  The ironic part is I ended up finding one in the San Gabriel Valley at Eaton Canyon, which is probably one of the more dry and inland areas of LA.  

The thing is that usually when I'm going on these adventures, I take someone with me who would be able to help me navigate my way around nature.  I grew up in NYC, so my idea of nature is pretty much Central Park.  There was this rock that my summer school program would always take us too and I would think it was the coolest thing ever when I climbed to the top.  The rock was pretty much maybe at best 100 foot tall...if even.  I should have known things might not go well when I was met with these signs:

 
It was an 81 degree day when I got to the beginning of the hike.  Now I read that the hike was only about 1.5 miles until we hit the waterfalls.  I just kept walking and then all of a sudden, I was heading uphill for about a mile after the first mile.  I had my "Karen" moment (I know, I go back and forth between being Regina and Karen), and realized "wait, why am I going uphill if I'm looking for a waterfall?"  Needless to say, I made my way back down the hill and realized I was supposed to go under the bridge and follow the stream of water up.  There was a lot of rock skipping.  The sad part was that I heard the water and I still kept going up hill after I passed it.  If anyone ever wanted to kill me, all they would have to do is drop me off in the middle of a hike trail and I'll be done in a days time because I have no sense of navigation or common sense in nature. 

With some help from two girls that I was following (they probably thought I was trying to kill them), I found my way to the waterfall.  I was greeted with this amazing sight:

After sitting around for a bit debating whether or not to jump into the cold water, I headed back to my car.  On my way back, I saw about 50 children that were maybe no more than 8 years old.  I was literally baffled that teachers would think to take a bunch of children hiking.  That must be a terror to have to watch over.  More teenage girls should have seen what I saw, perhaps that may stop teen pregnancy.  After I made it to my car, I headed back towards the freeway and decided to end my trip with this little gem:

The New and Improved Shamrock Shake!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!